It is a well-known fact that, other than all the very obvious parts that are a mash of alchemy, astrology, voodoo and good ol’ fashioned medicine show hucksterism, investing in individual securities is a science.
Issues with this phone, that has not been announced or even seen, are frankly too numerous to mention. For example, we don’t know the color options but they’re probably terrible. It also may or may not smell of armpits and cheese. Sources also say that Apple Geniuses open every box prior to selling the iPhone and lick the device in an undisclosed location. An undisclosed location on the device, the Macalope means. They do the licking in the stock room of the Apple Store. That’s obvious. Which, of course, just confirms the story.